Searching

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you have the spiritual answer, but sharing that enlightenment with another person, deems difficult.

That is where I am as i write these lines.

My heart is searching. I'm searching for the words ... not quite sure what to say, though my heart is true, I still have no clue.

I'm searching

Have you ever loved someone because of who they are, in spite of what you imagine they would be, for you, for, He, for We.

I'm searching

Because I do not exclaim to know everything, but my heart knows how to love, how to empathize, I know that if I search long enough He will answer,

Because i care enough to consider someones else's stance ... I know my search is soon to be complete.

still searching, until I hear a word ...

Please be patient

Wisdom beyond Measure

At 27, although I do not know everything...I have a pretty good grasp on a few things. One of those things is undoubtedly -- life, love and living, how to live that is. I can share based on my own experience, a few...

to be cont

What we have, is special

There's got to be a spiritual element, an energy. Chemistry between two people...less about how you look together, but more about how each spirit belongs together, essentially making one... I am amazed to say, we have it.

By Any Means Nessessary

This weekend marked a very special one for me. Interestingly so, it usually is at the time we least expect, or plan, that we face the most inspiring moments.

I made the decision to head to New York, two days after receiving a call from a special friend, encouraging me to come up for the weekend. "We have an extra ticket," were his words. To a play that has undoubtedly added substance to my life.

to b cont...

Peter: Sifted for Service

Luke 22:31-32

The Scriptures tell us that the Lord will sometimes allow us to be “sifted” for greater service. In other words, He may give Satan permission to affect an area of our lives. God does this to strengthen our faith and transform us into stronger witnesses for Him.

In today’s passage from the gospel of Luke, Jesus explains this process to Peter: “Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”

Getting Aquainted

Last night was my second night sleeping at my house. What a wonderful feeling.

I can honestly say, if it were not for my mother and Ellis, volunteering to lead the way, I may not have engaged myself, just yet, in the delight of camping comfortably at my new place.

To be continued...

Life is to live

http://contendearnestly.blogspot.com/

Shoot, Snap, Poze...

It was just three days ago that I co-hosted a fashion show...And boy was it a show. Final Touch Boutique is a family owned business, ran out of Mattapan--a family owned establishment that without a doubt has rich element on a series of levels.
to be continued...

Setteling In

I have my key. We've had them for a month now. That alone did not bring me to the realization that having a new home to call my own is not only a precious gift, but a reality. In the midst of my new adventures: waking up early everyday to start my day off a little different. I like to eat while relaxing a little, get dressed, take my time, and walk to the train by no later than 7:40 a.m. on a early day 8:20 a.m. on a later/ the earlier I arrive, I feel the better it is for my day that usually consist of maintaining a large amount of to-do's, which I love. I like the fact that this new period of time in my life seemed at first like it was moving way to fast, almost like lightening, everything struck at once. Leaving me to feel as though I was hit hard and fast. The only thing that was different from being hit by lightening was the aftermath was nothing but pleasing. I have in the end a new home, beautiful home, a new job...that many believe is one of the best positions, in the best places one could imagine. As I remain humble to it all, my mind sometimes takes me to a place of appreciation where I realize where this all came from. As I settle into my new position, in my new house I think um mm..."Greater is He that is in [and around] me then he that is in the world."

I love living

Even when I feel like, "man what is my purpose on this earth?" I can truly say that I love living.

an Amazing Quote: Loved it, had to share it

Women IN MY CIRCLE
>
> When I was little,
> I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
> and then I started to become a woman.
>
> And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
> God would show you the best in many friends.
>
>
> One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
> Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your
>mom.
>
> Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your
>children and their activities.
> Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
>
> One friend will say, "Let's cry together,"
> another, "Let's fight together,"
> another, "Let's walk away together."
>
> One friend will meet your spiritual need,
> another your shoe fetish,
> another your love for movies,
> another will be with you in your season of confusion,
> another will be your clarifier,
> another the wind beneath your wings.
>
> But whatever their assignment in your life,
> on whatever the occasion,
> on whatever the day,
> or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair
>pulled back,
> or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
> those are your best friends.
>
> It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
> but for many, it's wrapped up in several..
> one from 7th grade,
> one from high school,
> several from the college years,
> a couple from old jobs,
> on some days your mother,
> on some days your neighbor,
> on others, your sisters,
> and on some days, your daughters.

After four-hundred and fifty days, my time is up...today

Going Through: Conversations with a friend

Of Love...reminded everyday

I heard this echo in my heart--a source greater than words...Of love, I am reminded everday...that love is the way, it opens doors of darkness, making it light the path in love, the way is peaceful...the way if full....love is.

Imagine

A world filled with grateful people, people who appreciated the mere breath they take.

Imagine.

Imagine families coming together again, like they once were, bonded by love, complete and free.

Appreciative.

Imagine, they're were no more guns--no more senseless killings, just peace and sheer happiness, fun times and thrill, people sharing good wisdom, on ways to reach higher, together.

Imagine that...

Can you imagine a world full of caring people, where one lacks, the other has and gives without expectancy.

I can only imagine....

Happy Birthday Uncle Manny

He is tall, strong, healthy and rich, in mind, body and spirit. He's valued by all who love him: his family, his family and more family, the best cook I've ever met, a strong role model, the most passionate fisherman around, a sharing, loving grandpa of fifteen, happy with the simple things of life, like yard-sale-ing and finding amazing keepsakes at thrift shops and antique stops, or frying fish, scallops and jumbo scrimp for mouthwatering fish Fry's with family. He is the backbone to his precious wife. A proud uncle, husband and brother. Now that I've publicly shared with the world a brief summary of all that my favorite uncle is, let me call him and share with him these special truths today and forevermore.

I'm dialing.

Looking forward...toward the Angels

I came across an old disk with a few old files from essays that I wrote while I was in College. One file was titled Monique, who is a dear friend of mine, who will always hold a special place in my heart--unfortunately her life was taken in 1999. At least four years old, I conjured up the words: "I stand still sometimes to ask myself what my purpose on this earth is? After days-weeks and months pass I’m moved out of the position I once stood in, I’m living for you-through you within your dream." What this means, I am not sure. But I've always believed to write is to reach into the future, from a present stance. And, I can say that i still feel like I'm reaching to higher heights, now with less grief...I have powerful influence pushing me knowing if my friends were here, imagining what they each would working toward, exemplifying with the gift of life...I'm looking forward now with them in mind, in my heart and soul. My angels...forever.

My home; my heart

Pink and full of grace-large and full of space, a fire place to sit and trace, the reason we're here. She listened to His voice, allowing what He said to appear. Trusting in His word, that no one can go against. No words puncture the actions which matter most. This space, left vacant for over a year. Now we're sitting here?

A wise woman once said:

"You never have to ask for opportunity [instead] pray to be prepared."

No other way

When I think of who I am, who I have become, where I'm going, what I have witnessed, been through, will experience, once thought I would never make it out of, how much I've shed in tears, pain--empathy...I know as I often say, without a shadow of a doubt, there is no other way. What can I do? sometimes I ask, to know you in the fellowship of your suffering (reference frm Holy Bible) to reach higher, more closer, more intimate--I want no other way. I know now, because as I seek you show, that it is as my cousin says, in the knowledge and awareness of you that we become. Lord, I want no other way: no other way for me to live for me to feel, or be. There is no other way. You are the way, the truth and the life of my salvation. Through you I have everylasting life, Why...tell me why I would want any other way?

In my mind, there is none.

This New Beginning

Today makes two days since I got the new, or the offer for this new position in writing as I desired. It also marks a little over a month that I purchused my car, a 1994 Acura. It marks not even four weeks that the blessing of a lifetime, which I know was in the making--sprouted or shall I say God sent forth. The closing is on Monday. It is so--this new beginning is so. Part of my body wants to drop, fall to the ground and scream, "Is it so,?" but I know...the answer is Yes. I know. It's just the timing, it's perfect. God Is my new beginning.

Let me go

Today I asked him if he would let me go. I said that I have a new interest, a new idea in mind, no time to waste, I want out.
He said, his mission differs: he has plans, he included me in them without my consent.

I'm fighting he won't let go, in fact, he told my neighbor he's watching me, that he loves me that much. I know that's a lie. He wants me dead, he wants my mind, he wants me to fail and die in sin, because living his way brings affliction. I made the decision to walk away he would still follow, stalking me is what i deem it. Yet he doesn't consider it to fall in the realm of harassment. I do. I want out, I say, Let me go. He's pulling...I'm stretching in the opposite direction. I'm fighting, resisting. I refuse to let him win. Though letting me go is far from what he wants, he must.
Because I belong to God now.

Noticing the Blessing

It's 12:39 p.m.

One day after my receiving mt offer letter for my new job, and nearly crying.

Here is my notice to BWH:
Bittersweet but appreciated.

As much as this may occur as a surprise; It marks a time in my life that I have been waiting for.

I would like to inform you that I will be leaving at the end of this month, to begin a new position in my field, on my career path. I was offered the position two weeks ago and I would like to share with you today that my two-week countdown starts. My last day will be on July 30, 2007.

My experience working at Brigham and Women's Hospital has been without a doubt, one of the most exciting, growth fostering and rewarding job paths I have ever had. I will certainly miss it.


Sincerely,

Sasha Link

Praying together

Today I pray for peace, for every lasting peace. For togetherness, hope to prevail...His love to spread and people to wake up and see what I see, that He is real and beyond great in all His ways. I decided to take a moment, a brief moment within the day to share a little intimacy with my dear Father:

Lord I am thankful...beyond any expression, further than any greeting card can reach, the best floral arrangement could not demonstrate, the hugest hug; nor can the widest smile.

I have an extensive list of specific reasons my heart leaps at the sound of your name; that I feel peace when being ministered unto, as well as sharing what you've filled me with day to day.

My voice could not shout loud enough, my hands could not clap fast enough--but thankfully, God judges the heart where blood runs thankful enough.

Today is a new day

Like the fresh smell of wild flowers laying adjacent, potent and free...I start a new day appreciative as can be.

Like the sweet after taste of my Nana's homemade candied yams..I open my mouth in thanksgiving as can be.

Like good ole' behind the ear-aching laughter until we're red in the face, who were once crying, displaced.

Like the bold breeze behind the wall of an ocean, today is a new day and I am thankful as can be.

Like the craving for a form of chocolate directly after an Italian meal, my tastebuds are as appreciative as can be.

Like watching children play...

And graciously playing with them, I am appreciative.

Like a new revolution sent to your doorstep, with your name on it, specifically for you, I acknowledge that I am grateful...

to be continued....

Through His word I've been revived

It's been fifteen days exactly. No blogging, just thinking...praying and praising. So much has occured, too much I've felt at times to capture.

It's interesting how an intimate conversation with a connected soul, can bring forth God's peace.

Through His word I've been revived...

It was last last night that I realized the power of good ole fashion conversation, without limits, sharing from the soul.

I can honestly say that each time we engage, I am through the word that lives in you, revived, charged and inspired to walk this walk in truth!

Through His word I've been revived.

The Matthews Residence: Best Fish Eatery Around

Cooking with my Auntie

Simultaneously Unfolding

In his light there is light...
His way is peace, grace, favor.
His way is a smooth ride, sometimes on a bumpy road.
But he has knows the turns, each shortcut, and every major intersections, passageways and exit.

With his lead, there is refuge.

I recall my state of mind last Thursday evening after hanging out with my father, and today-four days later after what i'd like to consdier praying my way through, his light is shining down upon me.

I see what Pastor Clark means, now that I have experienced it in my realm, what it means to seek God on a higher, more intimate level. I see what it means to yield and let go, to let God handle the situiation, the outcome, the results, is still beyond my imagination. But I now know what it means.

Would I have ever imagined myself feeling this elated? The answer is I'm not sure. I know that on last Thursday night the pressure was so heavy in my chest that I thought, for a split second that my heart was going to fail...to stop beating. Aching, I began to cry out to God

To be continued....

Lord, we need you

I am standing.

Barely, but somehow, someway, I feel strengthened.
This morning I am fasting...maybe even for the day. I have no desire to eat, but to kneel down and pray, to concencrate myself, to put to practice all that I have learned, watched and witnessed, siants of God doing.

Lord, we need You. My father and I really need You, at this time especially. I have neevr felt so compelled to call on your name, and so comfortable in doing it. We need You Lord. We really need you. I took the opportunity to call on a few powerful sister and brother's early in the AM to ask them for a special prayer.

We need You.

Miami was hotter

It is Friday June 29, 2007...

I've been back a week. The miami heat was much hotter than I imagined.

Maintaining my cool: It will soon be hot in Mexico

Happy Father's Day daddy!

It's been six days, since I blogged.

Fifteen hours left until we cruise.

And my mind has been racing since my last entry.

I purchased a 1994 Acura this past Monday.

Made the last painstaking finalization on the cruise we are taking to Mexico.

I interviewed over a dozen people for the three stories I have lined up to send in tonight, yes. Tonight.

I know. I had way too much on my plate and It wasn't until today that it clicked when I heard my father say in a concerned voice, "Baby, you look like you been running," then he suggested that I, "put some cucumbers on your eyes and take two hours for yourself to relax."

Knowing how active I have been in the last three weeks, we had our house painted, I don't have to go into detail as to what energy that took, then the next week, all while planning for this trip, on June 7, i turned the big 27, my niece's high school's graduation was the following day on June 8--still going, still straightening, interviewing for the Mattapan Reporter, where work as a reporter, corresponding weekly, I was within this same week preparing for my dear friend Kat to visit for four days...and she arrived on Sunday.

Thankfully she is the epitome of a sister, knowing all that I had on my plate, her quote before she got here was, "Sash, I don't need much space, just give me a corner, I won't be in your way...and most strikingly she shared, "I don't care if your not feeling good, angry or upset, I just want to be in your presence."

:)I smiled and said to myself this is the love that I need in my life everyday, all day.

During her say, we managed to hang out just enough, catch up endlessly, a while I was conversing with the girls daily pertaining the trip, working simultaneously on a few stories: interviewing and gathering information, working full-time, geesh.

Just writing this list is making my head ache.

I list all the things that I had on my plate to demonstrate that with strategy, a positive mind, environment and source around you, anything can be accomplished, in spite of the chaos. Constant re grounding, or one will, without a doubt go crazy.

It all needed to be done, in a matter of time, the essence of life lies in the bracket of time.

Yet the stress that comes with this over exerting oneself, also dissipates in a matter of time.

Today I asked my niece, who has been staying over in my overcrowded room, both of our belongings from the trip lined against my dresser, to get loss, just not in those words. I said, "Lee Lee, auntie needs two or three hours to herself to get some work done," and she and her friend Carla went Downtown Boston.

I sit here by writing replenished. I took a nap, ate dinner, took a warm, long shower, washed my hair--and with my eyes closed, I graciously listened to Fred Hammond sing so beautifully in my ear (it felt like), via my JVC speakers.

I can say, I am as rejuvenated as I will be, for the ladies stay this evening.

We're flying out to Miami tomorrow in the AM. I can say I've learned from this experience that we need escapes. I planned this entire trip, from working with a Carnival agent to set it up, reserving air tickets, purchasing both, setting deadlines, collecting the money from the girls....the list goes on but the greater point is in time, as it has prevailed, everything will come together. It's a fact. It's a matter of how you maintain while going through.

I personally can't wait to see each of their faces on their first cruise, light up in joy, it's been a journey and I am ready to celebrate.

Mexico here we come.

At the Hour

My mind was racing...
head aching...
Frustrated, a little.

Nonetheless a since of peace resonated.

I trust you God. You've shown me in my times of doubt, how beneficial it is to rely and trust in you.

to be continued...

By Faith...I believe

It was not until today that I came to the realization that whatever is meant to be, will not only be but with God will manifest in the right time, very gracefully.

Happy Birthday Day to me

It is June 7, 2007 I am elated...

My birthday celebration began like this:

Yesterday on my way out from work, rushing...slightly to change my clothing, to catch the nail salon for a pedicure, eyebrow arch and polish change on my nails, to then get home by 6:00 p.m. to meet my personal stylist for a stellar hair style.

I literally ran into Samantha and Melinda. I call them my ladies. Two precious young ladies that graciously thought of my special day and purchased me an amazing Konditor Meister cake, lined with perfectly shaped strawberries dipped in chocolate, a light mousse, shredded chocolate, white chocolate, to-die-for-tasty cake for me, with a balloon, flowers and a card.

And for all of you who have not yest experienced Konditor Mesiter's delicious cakes or European fine pastries, you are not living. And if you don't believe me just take a look at the website www.konditormeister.com, stop in and get a sample of their good and please let me know what you melt-in-your-mouth think.

From all the attention I was shown, people opening up doors, asking me if I needed help, as they noticed my hands were completely full with birthday gifts, to having my God sister and friend stop by early morning after she got the kids off to school, spend a generous amount of time talking, laughing and assisting me in cleaning my room, and helping my mother find an outstanding deal on a 20' flat-screen--(that I have had my eye on for sometime now), television for my birthday. Whoop there is!

Today, I'm reflecting on what it means to truly be living. To be living to me is precious. I am a women who is proud of her age, 27 today that is, because with the twenty-six years that I have had the opportunity to live, grow and learn; I've gained experience, grown wisdom, both spiritually, mentally and physically.

I'm elated that I am at a place in my life where I am feeling free. I love living, except at times when I endure pain: whether it be from witnessing the pain of others or just simply going through rough time, myself.

My waking up this morning early to breakfast in bed, courtesy of my lovely niece, Lee Lee...who is she growing was the epitome of receiving love and watching it manifest, like wild fire...eight years apart we are and it's starting to feel like much less. I see her maturity. I naturally see her growth and I now can vision the impact that I have had on her life, my family as well.

Though I woke up to a messy room, having my long-time friend and sister, Leah came by and spend time with me while cleaning, gave me a feeling money can't buy.

to be continued...

One Choice, A little Wisdom

The decisions we make have the ability to change our lives, forever.

One Choice.

After looking back on his, my father always says, as he reflects..."I made some decisions, good and bad" some of which I" am paying a price for today," he recalls.

Much of the reason it is so important to take in perspective the effects each decision will have, before making it. An important lesson one of my college professors shared with me...that I rightfully practiced, making out a list of the benefits as well as the disadvantages yopur decision will have on your life. And though there is not always a major amount of time to do this, the thoughts you give will help assist your choice.

from my perspective, it has made all the difference, making me all the more pleased, and equipt for the life's loop holes.

The Art of Giving

"Shalom" were her last words, ending our conversation that lasted four whole hours.

"It means peace in Jewish," she shared.

"Really?"

I wondered if it's the same peace that "passeth all understanding" that has the ability to rises above all hurt, to heal, strengthen and as we spoke so freely about, to take one to higher heights in God.

I've always noticed, that God has a way of supplying all of our needs, even at times when we are not always consciousness of it.

Giving us wisdom that helps us through.

My cousin Renee has been one of those amazing assets in my life.

"See God is a mirror, in which we see and gain an image on how to treat others," she shared. "Angel simple means messenger," which constitutes to the very, "way of God getting something to us."

"Messengers come to you by way of dreams...she said "not always limited to some spiritual manifestation of God."

He has send his angels and my cousin has been one of them. I learn so much from our conversations, enough to fill me, to fill others.

In the name of Peace, I am blessed to not only have here as a cousin, but to be in a place where I can truly receive all that God places inside her to give.

Passing ... via my direction

It's a clear day, the sun is out, not too hot, but definitely warm. I'm focused, walking at a reasonable pace. I have on my brown gradient vintage sunglasses, my favorite seven jeans, that are nearly worn out, a nice pair of comfortable Ann Klein shoes, not the ones with the holes, and my funky multi-colored, mature floral leather purse.

A horn honks once, I turn and this handsome man seated up high, in an over sized black SUV with slightly tinted windows, stares with a serious look on his face, gesturing for me to walk his way.

It's amazing how body language goes far beyond spoken word.

I think to myself, If he's a gentleman like he looks, this won't be a long affair...I decide to pull up my shades, place them on my head and glance in his direction.

"Hello there," he said, once he saw that I was looking.

Still walking I shyly whispered "Hi," as I paused, pressed for time.

I take a deep breathe, unsure of what this encounter would turn out to be.

"Excuse me miss," he said clearly, distinctively."

"Do I proceed," I think, "I really don't have time to listen to this thirty-five year old man... Handsome; but I am unavailable, occupied, focused and not interested, asking me anything pertaining to taking me out on a date, going to dinner or especially calling me later, I'm far from available," I remind myself.

He overshadows all assumptions and says sharply,

"I am trying to get to Fenway Park. Do you know the best way to get there from here?"

I chuckle internally for about a split second. "What an unintelligent assumption," I thought.

And quickly before he notices, with poise, I say.

"I do...you want to get on Fenwood road, take a right thereafter onto Brookline Avenue," I say, "and follow Brookline Avenue straight and you'll run into Fenway Park, which will be on the right."

I continue my walk to staples as he drove away.

If every man simply asked for directions, they'd be much better led.

Lessons from a Wise Man

"Do anything like you do everything," he said.

It's been over a year since I started working on the cardiac medicine unit, at Brigham and Women's Hospital--which happens to be an entirely different road than journalism.

I took this road, this journey I'll call it...unknowing, back then uncertain, of the rich experiences that awaited me. Today, when I look around at every registered nurse that I work hand and hand with, on a day to day basis, I see women and men of purpose, whom after long, extraneous academic journey's, long nights of studying, mastering and finally yearning for to complete that part of their journey, to move on, to put the degree as certified caregivers to the test, Like I, I've found they too have purpose, aspirations, desires to satisfy their craving.

Though the role I play in the business of care giving, deems different to some, my purpose lives within me. My stop at Brigham has had meaning. And in my times of reflection, I think of what he said, that wise man...that cold winter day, when he completely cconsoled me, helping me understand, in my time of wanting to do much more, as a writer, a creative thinker...that simply to "Do anything like you do everything" is a sincere way to live life.

I imagined this and thought:

"Like I meticiously write stories?"

"Like I creatively make gift baskets?"

I can certainly "Do anything like you do everything." It makes me think. Better yet it makes me desire, appreciate that this amongst many more inspiration conversations we engage in, this thought trails with me day to day. And like great combat in any battle in life , just when I need it most what lives within speaks volumes to my situation.

Making me think, live and practice...

"Work[ing] as if you have no money.
Lov[ing] as if you have never been hurt.
Danc[ing] like no one is watching.
Sing[ing] like no one is listening.

Today and forever, I live as if it were my last.


Thanks Mr. Lee

Pacing thy thoughts

I'll began by saying:

If I paced every thought, which would never happen, I would find myself in a lot less embarrassing situations, but what the heck, we live once and in my case with a story to tell.

I could go on for days, but I will start with a simple, yet hilarious story...

continued later...

Good Ole' Recipes

She stands about 5'6 inches, coco colored flawless, smooth skin. A pleasant voice; she often whispers, "I'm here from the Chaplaincy...here to see if rooms, she'll give me the list, can receive communion?"

After I check the list and verify that they can or cannot.

It never fails, we seem to get into a conversation about something. Whether it is a piece of lovely jewelry from the motherland that she wears so elegantly, that I can't help but to comment on, or her hair, which in this case sparked our two minute conversation about natural, inexpensive ways to treat and condition your own hair, opposed to as we both have experienced going to the salon and spending so much on treatments.

"I have not washed my hair in a few weeks," she whispered bashfully.

I said, "really, I would never imagine that." "Do you get dandruff?"

"No." she shared. She proceeded, "I condition my hair myself," she explained to offset the cost of the beauty salon's pricing.

I noticed that her hair is natural, so I inquired how long it's been for her; she shared for years, many.

Before I knew it she was explaining in detail her homemade remedy for deep conditioners that sounded so interesting, I had to grab a pen, and began writing where I found room--on a small piece of paper with had virtually no room.

"You take the yellow part of an egg, a teaspoon of molasses..."


to be continued...

Botox Injection: Not just for Cosmetic Affairs.

May 22, 2007 started out extremely sunny. I remember feeling relaxed; and of course, hearing the blue jays chirping as they flew past my window certainly helped keep my mind stable. I thought to myself: No anxiety, not yet. However, a few hours later, more toward the time my minor surgical procedure was scheduled to take place--i began to worry, as it became clear to me that it was not feasible to locate a cream called KMB-4 to numb the area, that may or may not have worked, but was certainly worth the try.

Every Walgreen's I called had no cream in stock. And of course I tried looking the day of.

Stabilized in my mind, like a big girl would be, i remained calm, situated in my room, staring up at this serene environment, where candles burned a fresh, relaxing lavender aroma...thinking 'how bad could this really be?' It seemed logical to attest that it is only about thirty some odd needle injections in each hand. Though that sounds painful; i really imagined I'd feel the initial injection and be okay.

That was not the case. My eyes saw what my heart could not handle first.

Across the room, on a surgical table across, Dr. Yang began mixing, diluting... and sterilizing the needles--that from where I was sitting were entirely longer than the ones I imagined.

"I will not be using this needle for the Botox treatment, okay?" She said as she noticed my eyes enlarging.

"Okay," I murmured with slight reassurance.

This is when I began to breathe. It was at this moment that I felt breathing was the only mechanisms...one of the only, to maintain what people describe as my calm disposition.

Just when I thought I was okay, my mind raced...and I vividly remembered my recent diagnosis of a mild hyperhydrosis--which, after a year of research I found, that this is a condition in which glands excessively sweat. These glands happen to be in my hands. Other people who suffer from this potentially debilitating condition have the sweating under their arm pits, in their face, feet or other places in their body.

I recalled all the phone calls that I made in the last year to one of the leading hyperhydrosis medical clinic's in Miami pertaining surgery for this condition--to
my consistent research that landed me in the hands of a leading thoracic surgeon at Brigham And Women's Hospital, who actually diagnosed me as a mild case, last summer and suggested that I give it some more time and thought--considering that the procedure that he does involves overnight surgery, cutting the nerve. Which in turn has some repercussions that can cause horner's disease. After taking some, doing some research I'll call it. I came across Dr. Williams at Carney Hospital in Dorchester, who referred me to a leading surgeon: Dr. Andrew who went as far as scheduling an appointment for the Botox procedure to be done. It was during that time that Dr. Williams informed me that I would most likely grow out of this condition by the age of thirty--which is in fours years for me. He suggested that I consider botox injections, explaining that the radio active frequency ablation, paralyzes the gland so it won't produce sweat. Which is a less risky, not permanent more reasonable approach.

I agreed and appreciated his insight, which brought me on a totally different research avenue. Botox Injection.

As I considered the treatment and even set up an appointment with Dr. Andrew one of Carney Hospital's pain management doctors, there was a discrepancy with my Carney's Hospital gaining the approval to preform this procedure at the facility. That fell through....

But I continued with the faith that this road to a cure for my condition will prevail. And it did as I met a dermatologist Dr, Andrew Werchniak, at Brigham who, after performing a biopsy on my to figure out what I had, which turned out to be eczema, answered my question about, "How I go about getting Botox treatment," for this condition. I explained what I knew: He enlightened me on some more facts.

Except that this would be the most painful experience, I've encountered to date.

And it was.

More details forthcoming....

One Day at a Time

I have learned a great deal in my twenty-six years on this earth. One of those wonderful lessons I've learned is how to pace myself to walk in patience...Let me just say, it takes a great deal of practice and isn't always easy, however...

This is one of those: I love you calls...

Happy Birthday Neil....Lee

Happy Birthday to you. Cupleanous Feliz. (i have to get the correct spelling when jessica wakes up, but you get the point). Today is a special man's birthday. He turns 30..Neil Lee I love dearly and completely feel you have made a unbreakable impression in my life.

From teaching me how to be free, to introducing me to unimaginable opportunities, spending endless time coaching me, by the way, for anyone who is ever looking for an astonishing team coach, hire Neil...he has the gift for inspiring people through his example of living that exemplifies a life, full and filled with creative ideas, opportunities for growth/freedom of the mind: the body: and soul....your ability to drink tea with absolutely no sugar inspired me to try to do the same, which essentially has made me a stronger human being. I used to use six sugars. Now I use one-two or none. A concept that was once unfathomable has become a rewarding activity. This is a sheer examples of how your gentle ways, radiate.

With love,

Sash

Conversing with my Father

Today, we talked freely for about an hour.

I'm off work, feeling wonderful. And I have to say having a father like I have, is a blessing because he has almost all the answers.

"I want to quit my job," I say. His reply is there is an old saying, "Don't switch horses in the middle of the race."

He makes me think and he has a knack for generating information, tapping into his resources, and most gratifying coming up with million dollar ideas, like the gift basket business that he creatively suggested.

Today, with his advice and guidance and poised demeanor, I actually have explored the entrepreneur avenue and must say it has been a sweet ride.

Today...I asked my father if he would support me as I transition, as I think long and hard about leaving my full-time job as a unit coordinator, to fly high and begin to use the free time I will have to build my professional portfolio, step-by-step and plunge into my areas of interest: communications, public relations, including media relations, writing and so forth...

His answer of source was Yes.

He directed me in a few directions, considering that my only concern is the amazing benefit/health insurance package that I am going to perhaps loose.

One was to call the carrier and inquire on what kind of packages are available for someone interested in leaving their current position, but who has benefited from the plan and would like to remain a member.

Our conversation ended with my looking up an old friend of my dad's, who currently was hired within the public liaison office for Deval Patrick's campaign, while looking for Ron Bell's information, I came across this quote that stopped me in my track and made me say: "I have to share this on my blog site."

Here it is:

When I go into a room and sit at the table, all my life experiences
come with me. Sure, the business executive comes with me, but so does the welfare mother. The successful professional comes with me, but so does the child of a single-parent home, schooled in an overcrowded classroom. The senior public official comes with me, but so does the kid who’s first in his family to go to college, and the young family trying to make ends meet. All of this is a part of who I am.

— Deval Patrick

Water Has No Mother

Mother's Day Service at Bethlehem Baptist On Norfolk Street In Dorchester was remarkable.

Today, I took the offer and went with my mother and Ellis his aunts church. My visit to Bethlehem Baptist Church today felt equivalent to taking a trip down south, joining in worshipping with old folk in Henderson North Carolina.

In a very different manner, behind those walls, this congregation rocked--reminding me so much of a southern experience. The music was so rich, each vocalist informally shared their graceful gift of song, digging deep and singing rich lyrics that lifted my spirit...the choir brought back memories of my first and only trip to Henderson, when my grandmother passed, at her funeral where they sang with the same vigor.

An experience I desire to travel from state to state and join in. It is always a wonderful feeling to watch the presence of God, His power, creativity and peace resonate.

Like much of what the Pastor shared today about the capacity of mother's...the gift that it is, and the interesting components of motherhood. God and His Mother's

A mother is inspiration, she is essentially blessed with the gift to reproduce, and not only reproduce but instinctively, nurture, love, guide, understand, teach.

Trees have no mother. Nor darkness nor light, shared the Pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church.

Water Has No Mother

Interesting but true...

Celebration Without Major Preperation

Sometimes it takes a few steps and less conversation. And even more importantly less thought about perfecting and more about the cause.

That is what I did on Saturday May 12, 2007.

I vigorously thought, "Sasha think simple," But toward the end of May 12, 2007, I will honestly say I began to question the plans for my mother's 56th birthday --things seemed to be falling apart.

Plans of having a small dinner at our house turned into whispers of something slightly different, but thankfully I didn't flinch...instead, I followed the heart, which spoke volumes to going a head with the plan: to celebrate my mother, for all that she is, that she has been, and will be forevermore.

With that drive, we successfully had a marvelous time.

The party ended at 12:42 a.m.

Dishes were in the sink, strawberries on the table around cheesecake, covered in whipped, multi-colored birthday sprinkles and strawberry glaze.

I had no physical room to eat another bite, as I was also filled by the smile that resided on my 57 year old mother's face--larger than I ever seen.

We all were exhausted, but it surely was a night worth the less-than-ten hour planning; She was pleasantly surprised, appreciative and full of grace for what I call a beautiful turn out to a tentative small dinner plan, planned 24 hours previous to her birthday.

Fifteen of our most close relatives and friends came out to celebrate, all notified only hours before.

The most important aspect was that my mother, who loves her children with remarkable unconditional love, was for the first time on her birthday being honored, at a special celebration for her, for her special day, without major preparation.

Naturally Appealing

My sister, I like to call her, but other's consider Kat and I a good pair...my sister, my friend, my homey as we call each other, knows first hand what it feels like for her "soul that lives within" to grow outward...

"Eventually I knew precisely what hair wanted: it wanted to grow, to be itself, ...to be left alone by anyone, including me, who did not love it as it was."-- Alice Walker, Living By The Word: Selected Writings 1973-1987

...I too am on that journey, loving every second of it.

Early In The Morning Lord

It's 8:15 a.m.

I'm at work thinking about what feelings overcome me when I hear this song...

Early In the Morning Lord...I rise to thy...Hence the fact it is early, though I get started around 6: a.m. I feel like rising in the morning is the epitome of the gift of life .

It is like Elder Singletary, a strong woman of God, with a sweet, anointed voice and spirit, says in her favorite song...Early in the Morning Lord, I Rise to Thy.LYRICS SOON TO COME

It is that sincere moment when one feels the power of rising up to see another day.

Lyrics soon to Come

No one on this earth sings this song like Elder Singletary at Saint Memorial Evangelistic Center, better known as my church.

That may sound like bold, but it's true.

I do no justice to explaining how precious she exemplifies this song, vocally....what I will say is to fully prepare for hearing this anointed woman of God sing this song, is understand that spiritually if you loose control it's okay.

Men and women alike, you will most certainly shed a tear!

Bruce...Is one of a kind

The minute that you meet this man, you will, I promise you will be compelled to laugh, and while chuckling, say to yourself, "he is one of a kind."

I'm not sure what kind of breed he is exactly, what Nana Gomes was eating during the 1940's, or what kind of special genetic make up grandpa Butler had, considering he was a Micmac Indian, roots tracing back to the Wokokomog tribe in Novia Scotia Canada, since I did not have the opportunity to get to know him, I do not know the side he contributed in making this man, I'm describing.

What I know is I have experienced to the deepest degree, a man who never fails to surprise me with his next move. He is completely Ambitious, Passionate and Positive, My Father , has a special gift--one of which he has rightfully shared with me.

Today, like any other Sunday, I woke up with a light heart, I had a great, unplanned weekend with my lovely friend Kat and newly introduced uncle Joel, Tonye and his lovely family, engagement with James Brown: healthy, conversation, great barbecue and bonding...that I love.

As much as I love my father, who for the last month has not been coming to church with me on Sunday's. He's either been working or staying home resting, not exactly comfortable wearing the only clothes he owns: a black tee-shirt, button sweater, a pair of faded black jeans, a fleece over coat and worn white sneakers.

If you have ever met my father, you know that this description of his outer appearance is far from what you would ever see him in.

It's usually the long, black jacket that you see, blocks away, lined underneath with some kind of very coordinated suit, two handkerchiefs strategically placed in the pocket of his jacket, a clean button down to match his suits, socks and shined black shoes.

But for the past few months his life has not on the outside looked as polished.

Today, as he does every Sunday, he called me and asked if I was going to church. My answer to him was "Yes." Then he asked if I would stop by to get him.

As I was driving to his house, dressed what he often describes as a sophisticate, I imagined he got his hand on a suit, maybe even a pair of shoes, one handkerchief.

But that wasn't the case.

My father came out in his the one pair of jeans he owns, his fleece over coat, button down sweater and over worn, white sneakers.

Compelled and speechless. I just shook my head and smiled.

This man is one of a kind. I sighed. in ah...God gave me a word, for all the he has been through, he still possess the beauty from within, tries with all his might to walk in that light, touches everyone lives that he comes across, no matter his past...and loves with such a open, empathetic heart.

I tell him often,especially when he is down "Dad you have something special." A gift I call it. And day by day I realize that what I feel inside about this man who no matter the circumstance has endured, homeless, afflicted...he is the first person I've ever met and grown to love completely, wholly and unconditionally.

A few weeks ago coming to church in this state was not a question. But today apparently he woke up willing to share that contagious inner smile, he has.

A man who is simply one of a kind has touched my life. And though our relationship has not always gone smoothly, I can say as time progresses, my love for him grows, my heart is filled with appreciation...and say to myself, what a blessing is it to have this time to reflect...this life to appreciate...this man to love.

What a gift...

Sharing some Information

Forbes Lists the Top-Earning Men in Entertainment
Apr 30, 6:00 AM EST

By Lacey Rose, Forbes.com

Hollywood's leading ladies may be better at grabbing glossy ink, but when it comes to earning top dollar, the men still have them beat.

Journalist Lacey Rose wrote an article about the top-earning men in Entertainment--Denzel Washington of course, was at the very top of that list. I was capture by her choice of description. Read full article for an in-depth summary of what men are banking.

Naturally Unfolding

...breath in. breath out... I remember the feeling that came over me in December of 2006, a few days before Christmas when I went to New York to visit Kat. Bliss met uncertainty but faith overpowered it all. Since faith is the substance of things hope for and the evidence of things not seen., I took a leap with many visual influences. I had Kat, who recently chopped off her long, thick, straight relaxed hair, Jessica who decided a few years ago, not sure how many, to allow her natural hair to gently grow, without touching it and Stacey, who all her life attests she has allowed her hair to naturally unfold--standing in front of my eyes as a stern visual testimony that: when one allows their natural hair grow...the beauty is surprisingly on so many different levels unfathomable.

And as I watch this process unfold, my level of excitement grows each day...This new beginning for me is breathtaking.

Loving this....naturally

It's amazing. It's essentially me and I love it like I never imagined.

Proverbs 14:15-16

I began my morning with this scripture:

A simple man believes anything but a prudent man gives thought to his steps. A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless.

Thriving for Thrift

I love to shop, but most importantly I love--utterly enjoy shall I attest, bumping into stellar deals that no one in their right mind could turn down, like vintage leather belts for $6.00 and outstandingly ravishing multi-beaded jewelry for under $8.00. If I wrote down an extensive list of all the treats i have found in my two years thriving for thrift...it would, I am sure leave you in awe, as it has me.

to be continued...

Judith Jack Crazy

I remember the day clearly. It was the second time I stopped by Eva B Consignment, a fine consignment store conveniently located on centre street in Jamaica Plain, that I have grown to love.

The ring sat untouched, glistening, covered in a bright shadow of womanhood. I call it that because, after I purchased my first Judith Jack ring, it was like I invested a whole $38.00 into my womanhood, discounted by Eva B. This ring was designed impeccably--the sterling sliver marcasite, exquisite rings were stacked beautifully...stunning from that initial attraction through the glass jewerly case, with sophistication I said to Eva, "Now that is a ring...a ring that I need in my life."


..."We guarantee you the best price online for
Judith Jack Jewelry every day of the year!
The Calico Cat has been in business for 38 years,
offering quality and personal service.

Romantic, regal, a whisper of something old but refreshingly new. That is the essence of the Judith Jack jewelry collection. In an arena filled with unending selection, Judith Jack stands out as the leading name in marcasite jewelry with designs that appeal to women from young professionals to seasoned collectors.

As the premier designer of sterling silver and Marcasite jewelry, Judith Jack uses only the best quality marcasite, which has a brilliant silver color. Marcasite is a natural mineral called iron pyrite, which is mined in South America. It is a stone with a bright metallic luster. The top of the marcasite is cut with many small facets, which glow like small diamonds. We use beautiful genuine fresh water pearls, or the finest quality Japanese faux pearls available. The colored stones used in our designs, such as amethyst, garnet and citrine, are all semi-precious.

Each high quality piece of Judith Jack jewelry is individually hand crafted by master craftsmen, guaranteeing impeccable attention to detail. The round marcasite stones used in her designs are always pavé set between sterling silver beads, enhancing the brilliance of the marcasite. The development of square cut marcasite stones has enabled her design team to create new and exquisite designs for the collection.

In order to guarantee that you are purchasing an authentic Judith Jack design, look for the double JJ triangular hallmark on the back of each piece of jewelry..."

Mouth Closed: Feet in Motion...

I've been thinking less and acting more. Considering the size of my passion that grows everyday, this new approach suits me well.

to be continued...

New Discoveries

Success comes to those who know when to push and when to
wait. Balance ambitious effort with a deep, underlying
patience, and the results you achieve will be truly amazing.

-Ralph Martson

Exploring my passion on a new avenue

Today I was thinking along the lines of taking a year to explore a few things that I love most: Writing, traveling meeting new people; conveniently exploring their world, their cuisine...the idea alone excites me.

Not long after this thought I came across this quote, which increased my desire instantaneously.

"I left school at 15 to live in a hippy squat house in
London. I've tended bar in a strip joint... inspected bolts
at a factory... waitressed in a Chinese restaurant...
clerked at a print shop where I typed invoices and lied
to customers about why their orders weren't ready...

But today I get paid to visit white sand
Caribbean beaches... wildlife sanctuaries
in Borneo... Indian Ocean hideaways...
Rome... Paris... London..."

Thanks to Freelance Writer, Steenie Harvey, I have been introduced to a new avenue.

To be continued...

Movement with Motivation

"Just as a writer only learns the spontaneous freedom of expression after years of often gruelling study, and just as the simple grace of a dancer is achieved only with enormous, patient effort, so when you begin to understand where meditation will lead you, you will approach it as the greatest endeavor of your life, one that demands of you the deepest perseverance, enthusiasm, intelligence, and discipline."
Sogyal Rinpoche

The full story coming up.

One Hundred and Sixty Degrees

It is amazing how when time evolves, like love, it has the ability to seemingly take a three hundred and sixty degree turn, in most cases, for the best.

When you believe, anything is possible. And I find that out more everyday.

Today I had a vision...I noticed my dear friend walking around the pods, again today, and it made me instantaneously think about how a circumstance can often seem larger than the outcome. It was not too long ago that Mr. Powers, a long-standing patient on the Cardiac unit underwent a heart transplant, had some side effects take lace and was stationed in the intensive care unit for a few days, intubated too. That situation surely did not look promising. I met Mr. Powers, walking...in the same hallway he was now circling after recovery, still recovering. Watching this process, rejuvenated me, today, and made me appreciate time, the ability to watch a circumstance evolve--the beauty of a new day.

More to come as the Windows of Wisdom open....

Cleansing your Teeth and Soul, Simultaneously

"When was the last time your dentist prayed over you...Do you hear soothing Christian music as you sit in the waiting room, or look at inspirational messages hanging from the walls?" -News Talk 1150, WTTT AM

These words were posted on a website, marketing El Shaddai Dental Associates, a relaxing atmosphere that Dr. Anthony Olatunji and his fellow associates have fostered into a warm place that feels more like a homely atmosphere than a dentist office.

I had the opportunity to visit, for the first time, five months ago--for a cleaning and my experience was something special. Of course, when we are touched, we have to share, especially since, news highlighting the negative usually takes precedence. I can speak volumes to the fact there is something special about walking into a dentist office, or anyhwhere for that matter: a spa, a clothing store, restaurant, or someone'e home, and feeling welcomed. In this case, hearing christian music playing softly in the background was soothing, and meeting staff who embody such a since of warmth, really gained my attention.
To be contined...

A Miracle Delivered with Angel Wings

I usually greet him with a "Good Morning Mr. Powers."

He smiles.

I make my way over to his bed.

He raises his head, his arms, and meets me half way with a kiss on my cheek.

I find a new treasure in chatting with Mr. powers, everyday.

But this day...he had not much to say. He was nestled in a bed on the intensive care unit, 12D, seemingly more concerned about my feelings than his own. I made it one of the things on my priority list, to stop by and check in with Mr. Powers, as he surfaces in my mind.

Last week, after his heart transplant, I visited him on the 8th floor and he was talking, looked well and seemed to be recuperating. A few days passed. He entered my mind again, this is when I went on an attempt to find him.

Unknowing, I stopped by 12D and noticed Mr. Powers name posted on the board. It made wonder if that was Mr. Phillip Powers, so I asked. And I was told that it was.

Without any thought, I purelled my hands, gowned up, glanced around for a nurse, to assure I had permission to enter his room, then went in.

He laid flat on his back. Not as bright-faced as usual. "This has never happened to me before," were the last words he uttered before they incubated him. I held his hand for a few seconds...as he gripped my palm, until I felt it was time for me to walk away, with a saddened heart, nervous and border-line discouraged, I began pacing, asking God to hear my prayer in spite of what I heard: the likelihood of him having an infection around his heart or...pneumonia?

I tried to remain calm but my inner screamed:

"Lord, I know that faith is the substance of things unheard of and not seen, (something of that sort) but...I feel torn, help me to believe, help me to grab hold of the faith that I know I have," I said.

Shortly after, I activated my faith teary eyed and all. I left the Brigham, with a heavy heart, puffy eyes and red pupils, yet, somehow I managed keep myself together on the ride home. But, when we I reached the destination of my bedroom, I weeped asked God to please work what I felt like at the time would be a miracle. God however, already had angels assigned, without my knowing.

Fred Hammond's, soulful, sophisticated, intensely spiritual music has healed my soul on many occasions, so at this time I turned to this anointed singer/songwriter for musical encouragement and comfort. And the words of number 7 on his, Pages of Life CD, rocked my pain away, along with the gracious, hug that my special friend Neil sent via telephone air wave--which comforted me and before I knew it I was fast asleep, in a peaceful trance.

Saturday I took the time to think positive, stay cool and not attempt to do anything in my own spirit. Like, call Brigham seeking updates on Mr. Powers. I just relaxed, keeping him in my highest thoughts. With those actions, I got a sense of peace and I went with it.

Sunday my mother, father and I went to church. Pastor Clark delivered a simple sermon assuring the congregation of the powerful force angels embody--and how most importantly they are assigned to each of our lives. I immediately thought about my mother. "She's standing beside me with no broken bones," I thought. a smile of appreciation on her almost fully-healed face. Just one week ago she was After a terrible accident, where a woman drove out of an intersection without stopping at, forcing my mother to run into her and totaling our vehicle. She 's standing beside me after experiencing tremendous airbag abrasion, swollen lips, major pain...but she's breathing. The angels were certainly watching over her.

Secondly, I thought of my father, and my knees instantaneously got weak. If it were up to the enemies he would of been dead a long time ago, I remember thinking. But he is living even after years of abuse to his body, mind and spirit; after undergoing a heart attack and having on more than one occasion, suicidal thoughts--the angels have been beside him as well...keeping him alive, protected.

What a relevant word for a very relevant time. Even whle watching both my parents in the presence of God at service, at the same time, one with the spirit, one with me--thread that connects both their souls.

My mind was geared toward Mr. Powers. A man who has given me so much encouragment, shown me love, shared awesome insight, stories and much insiration. I thought about the relevancy of the angels that Pastor Clark spoke about, knowing they were with him as well.

I now know why some say, hold your peace and let the Lord fight your battles, because on Monday, as I walked into the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, 12D, Mr. Powers was no longer intubated...in fact, the same man, who was slightly discolored, searching for words, was sitting up in a chair speaking freely to a team of 7 doctors, who were engrossed--taking notes.

I tip-toed back to my pod to sign his card--a card that I purchased on Saturday, apparently by faith, because here he was, doing exactly how the card captured. The card read:

"For He himself said he will never leave us nor forsake us..." Hebrews (not sure the exact verse). "Though sickness may get you down..." and continued describing how the view of each circumstance abroad is usually smaller than the outcome.

I've learned so much about Mr. Powers and it only seems like each day unfolds news discoveries. One important discovery is that he has special angels surrounding him at all times. Today 2-14-07, I learned that he is a father of three girls; that he enjoys reading more, "since" meeting me; that Disney stories like Beauty and The Beast, The Little Mermaid (which he has watched over 17 times) Lady and The Tramp are amongst his favorite movies--captivating to say the least. And even at the age of 67, soon to be 68 in exactly 7 days, he mentioned, he still gets teary eyed each time he watches these kind of movies--moved by each story.

Our inspirational talks remind me of the long talks I often have with my uncle, that i enjoy. I see Mr. P's eyes glisten, that makes me smile and my eyes tear up when he highlights the "special" aspects of my being. I can't take it all in. I love this man like a father, with the love we discussed today. The love that makes the world rotate in a positive direction.

For some reason I feel as if he is a part of me, like we're connected from some thread. Ancestral? I doubt it, but we certainly have something in common, for sure. And it moves me to be gentle.....to myself and embrace the warmth i often feel the need to radiate.

It is true that when we ask, we shall receive. For this I am grateful :)

Sasha

"Surrendering to the air so that these words may bring wings to my feet." -Kat Neil I mean Noel

Can you imagine if everyone at least, on some level attempted to do this, what the world would be like?

Whether it be the musican...
The Writer...
The Artist...
The stay at home mom, sho happens to be a graphic designer...
The Vocalist... Perhaps my dear friend Jessica, if she'd ever consider

The Natural Way...

Kat calls the process of letting your natural hair take it's course as letting a "soul that lives within..." come alive...I love her way of describing it.

Alice Walker puts into words the beautiful growth of natural hair sprouting as knowing, "precisely what hair wanted: it wanted to grow, to be itself, ...to be left alone by anyone, including me, who did not love it as it was, in Living By The Word: Selected Writings 1973-1987.

I've been saying it for years, I know, i do. But perhaps this time is the season. This weekend, my friend said something profound that has stuck with me, as I will carry it with me for this entire process. I remember the We were all standing in front of a mirror, I'll never forget how the words came forth. She was getting to know at her new hair, twisting the coils and shaping them into imperfect bunches; I was dancing to the music playing and, and attempting to style my hair in an updue, when I turned to Kat and mentioned to her,"I feel I need help with this process. Before I could elaborate, she interrupted me and whispered, "Sash, when your ready you won't need any help."

She didn't know this but I has not a word to say..I was speechless, "what an amazing way of putting it into a thought. Contimplating...I pulled out specks of my hair hair to inspect, closely.

The texture. The feel. The look. It isn't me.

I've always wanted watch my natural hair come alive but I feared the process. Nonetheless, I am ready, today. I have to extend a special thanks to some special young ladies who have influenced me thanks Kat, who like me had a burning desire for sometime now, trying a few times to do the natural thing and relapsing on a few occasions, back to the dresser to wear dudley....however, your standing up this summer and beginning the process has inspired me; Marly, with your beautiful locks, remaining stedfast through the process says so much about our heritage of strength and inner beauty; Jackie, rocking the most defined and amazing low fade any woman of stature desires to---yet you do is what makes you so "fire"; Jess, your hair is astonishing and moreover it just seems like the essence of what I know of you; Your that example of whatcomes about when, like Alice walker shared, letting it grow and loving it do. Stacey, in the three hours we spent, watching you treat your hair like the special part of you it is, gave me encouragement, seeing as though it certainly is and was captivating to witness. Hanging out, with all of you ladies has enhanced my desire to...

began what I can describe as finding me in letting go of all that isn't.

The Art of Dancing

There is art in dance---an expression that is artistic, that has the ability to lift spirits and move the blind to visualize what they can't neccessarly see. I know first hand what it means to be moved "beyond the senses," as my friend I like to refer to as my other half for several obvious reasons. I'll elaborate on that in another entry, Mr. Lee said to me the other day. Last week I had the opportunity to interview a young lady by the name of Cheryl Barrett, one of Boston's Black achievers, who was recgonized on the 31 of January who have me a profound quote about dancing that I feel compelled to share. She said: 'It's through movement," said Barrett. Sometimes there's a person out there that can't hear but through the movement they can see and feel what God is saying," she shared. Sometimes there's a person out there," speaking about her audience, "that can't hear but through the movement they can see and feel," she said, "what God is saying."

Three Angels Passing

It's 9:35 p.m. I'm here walking around, pacing but I don't know why. I feel the need to organize my surrounding. I have four patients coming in, which means enough to keep me busy. I'd like to leave around 11:15 p.m. the latest, but the way the nights going, I'm not sure about that. It's busy. I spoke to Neil and ran into Mrs. Power--Juana, another angel that I believe God placed on my path. She's back. A year or so months ago she underwent a heart transplant. I don't details but I overheard that it failed. And she's been holding on with a spirit so warm and peaceful it would make anyone cry. Not too long ago I heard a nurse say that they found a heart for Mr. Powers and he is expected to head down to the OR for surgery at 12:00 a.m.

I had to jump for joy and just think....this man who gives so much love is receiving his now.

I'm at work and have to run for now, but boy am I ecstatic.

Destiny

Out of all the things I could pick off my hand written scrap list of items to begin writing about, today I am the spirit to began talking about a special someone, that God has placed on my path.

I remember, about four months ago walking down the hallway of Brigham and Woman's Hospital, to be specific, I was on the cardiac surgery unit, crossing over from 12 B, perhaps on one of my daily trips to around to the other Pods to say hello to Maria, and I bumped into a man...whose smile captured my very being. I recall vaguely as he was walking pass me, us both stopping, and looking at one another and from my recollection, we immediately joined forces and this nice man spoke these words to me: "Hello there," I replied with a sincere since of urgency, "Hello" noticing that he was walking with an Alaris pump for some form of IV line, it didn't cross my mind to ask him the typical question people tend to ask without much thought, 'how are you doing,' however my attention was immediately drawn to his ambition to steadily walk around--with liveliness, so I said: "Walking huh?" "Yes, trying to..."And before I knew it this gentleman and I were having a full-fledged conversation about writing. A conversation about walking turned into one about writing.

How it began, well… I rely mostly on the thoughts that I write down to assure I remember them; my memory, only retains a percentage of things I experience. What I remember is his sharing how astonished he was with the process of writing. He told me about an article that he recently read in either the Boston Globe or The Herald and somehow in conversation it came up that I am a writer. I told him that I have been writing for sometime now both leisurely and professionally.

His eyes light up. And he began to tell me stories in the hallway about how he always says, "I'm going to work on my biography someday," with a chuckle he mentioned it has always been his dream. In fact, he said he even went to school to learn how to be a writer. Fascinated by the process, we stood in the hallway for a little more than fifteen minutes taking about how precious the process of writing is. Words like "convey" and phrases like "the ability to put thoughts into words" were some of the resonating topics of our hallway conversation. And it was then, four months ago, that I experienced what some describe as destiny: a meeting that will forever have an impact on my very being.

"Is this Destiny?" is a question that I often ask myself pertaining to our meeting Mr. Powers and my meeting: I believe that "all there is consciousness; there is no doer and no free will—all is the impersonal functioning of consciousness, or God's will; life is a movie which is produced, written, casted, directed, acted, and watched by consciousness on the screen of consciousness." --Hermetic Philosophy

The way we met and the connecting thread that has essentially opened up the door to our friendship has brought me to the realization that we are placed on this earth for special and specific reasons, unknown to man but very relevant and up lifting. Mr. Powers is an example of that uplifting nature.

There's not a time that I see him, when he's not smiling. Even on the days that he is not feeling the way he would like to, when he laying down in a hospital bed, with a multitude of people coming in and out of his room, asking questions and taking his blood pressure...he remains one of the most pleasant patients that any nurse could have. With a smile, a generous comment like, "She's my friend," "My favorite nurse," in reference to me, at one time, and the two of his favorite nurses, at another. Mr. Powers has what it takes to make one smile. I can’t recall a day he hasn't whispered to me words of wisdom from his hospital bed to my heart. On this particular day he said: "Keep writing. Never give up. Not only can you write but you also do it well, were his words.

His eyes were glossy, his heart...reached out and influenced me never stop writing.

I stared bringing Mr. Powers my articles after our meeting in the hallway. And every time I'd bring him copies of my work, He'd sigh in excitement how happy he was to read my last piece, how talented he considered me and how I should, "never give up.”

For many reasons I will never give up. Mr. Powers certainly one of those reasons. His influence has had an impact on my as a person---beyond appreciation. Genuine and humble his smiles keep me grateful for what life can be. I don’t know what he feels inside but I know that he is a man who encourages and pulls strength from within to give to others. Like Mr. Powers I will continue...walking to the beat of the drums of destiny, no matter what.

Preserving: Henderson Carolina

There were many things that started in Henderson. My mother was one of those things. The last born of 17 children. A miracle in my eyes, considering that fact that my grandfather was hit by train when my grandmother was carrying my mother nine months into her pregnancy: A blessing, I always say. A complete blessing. Since "Blessings awaken a greater sense of awareness in the practitioner," and are "a special favor, benefit, or gift from God."

I always say to myself, what if he died a year prior? There would be no Patricia Link, and in essence the side of my family tree that consists of my siblings and me would not be. Henderson brought forth many manifestations like tradition of southern cooking that has carried my grandmother's legacy on. I'll include recipes in another entry.

My mother has stories of growing up in the "country" as she describes it that will bring tears to your eyes, of course it's her description that is so tear-jerking but the stories are also interesting. Her perspective is the hilarious part. While watching Bet Apollo today, my mother said something striking that fostered thought about how small this world really is. The new era lead singer of the Manhattans, who joined the group in 1970 is a friend of my hers. Perhaps she wouldn't describe him as a friend but she did say they grew up together in the late 1950's walking the same dusty dirt roads of Henderson North Carolina, where they shared the back yard my grandfather constructed as a path to go to Henderson Institute, where they both went to school.

Actually, according to my cousin, Tony, one of the funniest men I've ever met..skinny ole Gerald Alston, as a teenager he had a "thang" for my mother coming up. My mother shares with me she doesn't remember him liking her but Tony disagrees with that interpretation. I imagine that he did have a thing for my mother because based on the pictures she showed me from the 60 and 70's she was what some men would describe as a fine young tender one: slim, slender, thick, natural hair, beautiful features, brown eyes, and oval shaped face, smooth skin, defined lips and a tell-it-how-it-is attitude, that she still has today. In fact, it has only progressed into a tell-it-how-it-"got-damn"-is demeanor.

When I see Gerald Alston, the lead singer for the Manhattans today--I don't imagine him as a young child in the 1960's walking through my mother's back yard to get to school. Or even more fascinating having a crush on my mom. I wonder what his life was like growing up in the south at that time. I wonder if his parents like my grandparents were share croppers, cooks and if his mother cleaned wealthy people's homes to supplement their income. I wonder what kinds of things the teachers in Henderson Institute taught the children?

Those same dusty roads are still dusty today.

I wonder if he recalls those same dusty roads he used to walk on today, who influenced him to follow what I imagine was his dreams. Whether he grew up with the intention to become a singer, since my mother did say he sings the same way he did back then, which to me says he used to showcase his talents in some way shape or form. I don't know.

Although he is soulful, rich in artistic language and a phenomenal singer. I love my father, Bruce One of a kind Matthews. It is difficult for me to imagine any other man taking responsibility for making me--I know that the 1960-70's going into the 80's fostered a lot of love between that generation, music that was known to promote love, as many elders refer to songs by Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross as baby making music. The Best of the Manhattans compilation CD in 1995, Kiss and Say Goodbye was and still is today a song that fosters much thought.

Beginning with these sentimental words:

This has got to be the saddest day of my life
I called you here today for a bit of bad news
I won't be able to see you anymore
Because of my obligations, and the ties that you have
We've been meeting here everyday
And since this is our last day together
I wanna hold you just one more time
When you turn and walk away, don't look back
I wanna remember you just like this
Let's just kiss and say goodbye

I had to meet you here today
There's just so many things to say
Please don't stop me 'til I'm through
This is something I hate to do
We've been meeting here so long
I guess what we done, oh was wrong
Please darlin', don't you cry
Let's just kiss and say goodbye

Many months have passed us by
(I'm gonna miss you)
I'm gonna miss you, I can't lie
(I'm gonna miss you)
I've got ties, and so do you
I just think this is the thing to do
It's gonna hurt me, I can't lie
Maybe you'll meet, you'll meet another guy
Understand me, won't you try, try, try, try, try, try, try
Let's just kiss and say goodbye (Goodbye)

Ending with capturing the most of this detailed ballet

to be continued...

Soul Searching

Today was one of those days, where I sat down next to the fire place, in one of my closest friends beautiful home, thinking. A

nd in the mist of warm thoughts in this cozy atmosphere--I closed my eyes and an image of you instantly appreared. Those brown eyes have maturely embraced all of me and asked with sincere concern the things that move my spirit to speak, moving me...the way you give so much from the soul--they way you lend, your ear and time..

If He only knew that I was in love with more than the mere image of him--but with the part of him that will last forever. I search no longer.

Laughing for real

"i'm blushing purple since i'm so dark," she said to me after a long back-and-forth conversation via gmail instant messenger.

Inspired--

The reason I am sitting here with my mind on starting this Blog site and actully making it happen is my dear sister from two different mother's in spirit, much younger that I but as wisdomatic influenced me...And for that I am grateful to her thanks, and mush love Katou.

lead by example I sit on the left side of Paul Guay....I like to call him "P" in this comfortable, new setting of Maxwell Library at Bridgewater State College--a man one of my closest friends, Chantel describes as my "road dog..." He inspires me to reach from within and pull out all the wonderful components that comprises who "Sasha," really is. "Don't stop writing," he said the summer of 2004 as he was helping me get through one of the toughest periods I ever had to face, pertaining to academia....finishing an incomplete in Shakespeare, which I eventually did. As a teacher at heart, Paul saw in me what I could not see in myself, at the time, a soon to-to-be a grown, structured, writer who enjoys being moved by passion.

Interestingly so, we met here in 2003, at Maxwell Library before it was touched with such elegance, we were both working on some kind of writing in the computer lab, at the time Paul and I worked as reporters for Bridgewater's undergraduate newspaper, The Comment. Paul overheard someone call my name and shortly after that he turned to me and asked, "Is your name Sasha?" My reply to this older gentleman was "yes," wondering one how he knew me and two why he was so astonished, frolic as my dad calls him. After introducing himself he noted that he has read a few of my articles. My friendly demeanor entertained the rest of what has turned out to be a smooth, life-learning, supportive, encouraging--ride of inspiration, together we have endured some interesting times. From riding his Buick La Sabre all summer long, seeking nice beaches all over Massachusetts, to hanging out and simply being inspired by one an other's stories, to upgrading to his sons sport two-door, Lincoln Mark 8, when his was totaled, Paul would pick me up on a weekly basis and we would go anywhere from thrift shops to movie theatres to watch independent Iranian films. Since 2003, as writers we've inspired one another, to walk this walk of life with drive, purpose, never putting down our dreams. Supporting each other. My mother loves Paul (and for those who know my mother, she is a woman who keeps it real and tells it like it is) and most importantly as friends, as he often says, "till the metal burns," a phrase Bena Berry get a total kick out of, we love each other. Many do not understand our relationship. Because on the outside it looks like a 45 year old, grey-headed man walking and laughing with a 26 semi-permed, curly headed lady is...the epitome of an interracial couple. However, that is not the case. Overtime, I've become comfortable with what our friendship has become that when we get stares of uncertainly, it only encourages me to laugh harder. If they only knew, I say....how inspiration could change ones life, take off all masks and open the hearts of the those who never believed in the power of true friendship.